Right Fucking Now

For all of the most important things, the timing always sucks. Waiting for a good time to quit your job? The stars will never align and the traffic lights of life will never all be green at the same time. The universe doesn’t conspire against you, but it doesn’t go out of its way to line up the pins either. Conditions are never perfect. “Someday” is a disease that will take your dreams to the grave with you. Pro and con lists are just as bad. If it’s important to you and you want to do it “eventually,” just do it and correct course along the way.

— Tim Ferriss

Although I have written a few (thousand) other pieces to publish as my first post, in the spirit of Right Fucking Now, this impulsive piece seems most befitting in kicking off my mission.

Hello, my name is Vanessa. My friends call me Vee. I am attracted to everything that is bad for me – physically and emotionally – also, I like long walks down the beach that result in skin cancer removal procedures (see my Instagram).

I am a writer, an event organizer, an artist OR (suck in a deeeeep breathe) as Emilie Wapnick, Author/Entrprenuer/Career Coach/Community Leader and Founder of Puttlike.com has dubbed people like me – I am a multipotentialite. Call me!!!!

Seriously though, at my awesome age of 36 years and 9 months, although I am attracted to such unfavorable things, lately I have been in the habit of altering my design. As we age, it becomes harder to make much needed adjustments in our lives. Lots of it has to do with habit loops, negative thought patterns/cycles, and a touch of bullheadedness – or lots depending on the person. I have decided enough is enough. For the past couple of years I have dedicated as much time as I have in being the absolute best version of me! How does one get there you ask? Now! It starts right fucking now!

#GoalDigger #AllTheGoalHashTags #MyGoalIsToPinAllMyGoals

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If you are anything like me, you have goals on top of goals. The first action in your action plan is to pin! DUH!

You pin:

  •  preplanned meals for the week
  • night time rituals
  • morning rituals
  • along with an exercise for each day of the week

 Then, you take a pause and sip water and pat the sweat off your head – one more board to create – almost done….

AND FINALLY, to ensure follow through in making sure that you actually do what the fuck you say you are going to do – you end your pinning session with:

  • some kick ass affirmations
  • that you will print out ….
  • whenever you get ready to do all the things….
    • which is on Monday. Three days from now cause well it’s the FREAKING WEEKEND!!!!!!!

Fun right? You put so much work into the “idea” of what you want to do that you spend the next week pinning more action plans because it’s fun, and it’s kind of like work, and you still get the same euphoric stimuli pinning as you would running. WRONG! You never get anywhere. This is a cycle. A skewed thought pattern. A comfortable way to plan change.

In order to really test myself and follow through I needed to learn myself and be aware of my devious logic. I had to get down to my core, call bullshit, and OWN MY STORY. My biggest takeaway I learned in rebuilding from the bottom up was the relationship between the words COMFORTABLE and CHANGE – yea, they don’t go together! Change is never comfortable.

Therefore, my first step in facing a habit loop was to create a mantra – “Get comfortable being uncomfortable”. A key phrase that makes a play in almost everything I want to get into these days.

Next, was to coach up and talk to myself like a motha fuckin boot camp drill instructor (every time I say “motha fuckin” I totally channel Samuel L Jackson in my head – it makes for a more intense personal push).

You want to start a diet? Do it now! Not Monday, because it is the first day of the week or January, because it’s the first month of the year. Now! You want to start reading, being a better person, quit a bad habit? You want to start getting up early so that you can have some “you time” and get those morning rituals set in place? Well, guess what Sissy Lou – its 9:21pm… get your ass to bed baby. DO – IT – NOW!

That’s the difference between the badass and the person who dreams about being a badass. Who the fuck starts a new routine in the middle of the week? YOU DO – cause you are a badass who is trying to make right with yourself on a Thursday night!

Very slowly, I started doing things “now”. It felt good. Like a freedom almost. The more I started doing things “now” the easier it became. Unbeknownst to me, this will power exercise was actually reshaping me neurologically. I was rewiring how I approach things.

Which brings me to right fucking now…. sort of… but Im getting there….

The days following when it was that I decided that I had had enough I started studying and practicing all types of self improvement methods including Stoicism. All of the readings shared tactics that brought me to challenge myself in ways I didn’t realize that I needed to. These exercises brought me back to the adolescence stage where you wholeheartedly believe you can do anything you put your mind to.

My new level up goal is to get back to my roots. Back to methods that I used long ago before I was hard stuck in my adult ways. I want to write. I forgot how much it helped me to reflect, to look at things the next day with more clarity. A method that allows me to pause before taking unnecessary action after an argument with my husband, a fight with my best friend, patience lost towards my children. A nice halt in losing my temper so 10 minutes later I can avoid the thought of “FUUUUUUCK, what did I just say.” I credit Stoicism in schooling me on the art of pause.

It was my husband who told me over dinner while stuffing a cheeseburger in my mouth (an old tradition of mine is to reward myself with a burger after medical procedures. Hey, some people get lollipops, I get cheeseburgers!)

He said – you need to do this and you need to do this now! Take a picture of yourself eating that cheeseburger with the caption:

“Treating myself after a medical procedure, FUCK YEAH!”

And post that shit! There is never a more perfect time, he said, than now. Ugh, my initial reaction was SMARTASS, feeding me my own lines! Buuuuut ego aside, that smartass beautiful skin bag of cells was right!

So what was I waiting for? What am I waiting for? When my writing is flawless? When I have the perfect topic? When it just feels right? Orrrrrr how about when my toddler potty trains himself because I have SOOOOOO many unfinished posts that I started and need to finish.

You want to give yourself a good kick to your jaw…look back at your journal or on your vision board(s), the date you started dreaming about a goal. Now, look at the date today. Yea, waaaaaay more than a week, a month, and a year has gone by. It feels like you set that shit up last week…but you didn’t. It’s bikini season baby and that shit rolled around way quicker then you realized. I call bullshit on myself. I let too much dead time go by.

So here I am, just a girl, sitting in front of a computer screen, asking the writing gods to love me, allowing me to articulate what the shit is going in in my colorful head.–  Lets get uncomfortable!

What I am putting on the table right now

I aspire to share the fruits of Stoic philosophers, flavors EVERY woman should taste. I want to tote the works of Ryan Holiday, and backpack to Venus to inspire and share with my sisters how impactful Stoic philosophy can be in our lives too! I want to stand beside those who lead the charge in bringing back Stoicism, educating people, and uncovering the misconceptions attached. I want to tell you all about my other idols like Aubrey Marcus, Tim Ferriss, Hal Elrod (I need to set up a book list cause I could go on forever) and how their words come into play when I am challenged the most throughout my days.

FURTHERMORE, I want to continue to challenge myself in my own practices by documenting my monthly/daily and sometimes HOURLY obstacles and how I am able to apply exercises and philosophy from ancient Stoics. (Yall seriously, either I am the female character of Jim Carey on Truman Show part Deux or its gotta be the Murphy’s Law thing. Something is always going on up in this piece!)

This is my way to heal myself and bonus would be relating to others who may have some of the same challenges as I do. Nevertheless, if no one sees any of this…no time has gone to waste. I am committed in all the ways that I can hold myself accountable in following through with action. Through this, I can measure my progress; I can compare myself to ONLY myself, and gain a higher perspective in all the areas that I am growing.

I am not going to lie…this goal is a little heftier than my normal baby goals so I totally read this a GA-JA-BAzillion times and it took like 2 days-ish…but here it is. I am pressing publish…right fucking now!

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